I vividly remember being about fourteen and walking in to a new group of girls for one of the first times in my life. I went to a very small private school for basically forever. Eleven magical years with the same thirty or so faces, and up until that point, I was a very poorly socialized puppy. As I walked in to that seemingly huge, new, and at the time exciting, place and saw these different groups consisting of girls of all ages, I remember feeling like they belonged in that setting much more than myself. I had this childhood friend that I grew up with who was a senior at the time. I remember how together I thought she was. She drove me to school for a little while and I was so nervous to speak around her for the first time in my life, because all of a sudden she seemed so perfect to me. Isn't it funny how we tend to idealize certain things or people? Even the girls my own age seemed to me like they had so much more life experience (which is probably true, and not in a good way). I remember feeling so unprepared and as if I didn't have much to talk to these people about. (Turns out that never changed either, I just figured out it was for different reasons). Ultimately, the feeling is a lot like this:
When you look at other's around you, you see them as if they're more comfortable than you, more in control, more confident even. In real life terms, maybe it's that competitor at the job interview. Often times, if that person has the right apparent qualities, we seem to subconsciously assume they are more prepared then we are, or at least equally as prepared. It's like we assume things are easier for them in a sense.
I'll be honest and say that this seems to me to be a bit more of a girl issue, at least outwardly. But I do think it is interesting how much power we automatically give others when we meet them, just by first impressions. Unfortunately, girls are often so guilty of this, of assuming the other girl thinks she's better than you. What seems to happen is whichever person is more insecure will usually try to offensively protect themselves in some way. Maybe it's simply by saying they don't like that person, or perhaps something a bit more sinister. But why let someone you don't even know make you feel that way, when it is so clearly about you and not them?
What I've learned since then:
No one has everything figured out. We're all pretty similar and looking for many of the same basic needs. Just because someone seems to have themselves together doesn't at all mean that they're better than you. Why not just try to be their friend?
Sadly, I tend to get the negative end of this deal more often than I'd like. I seem to have the type of energy that makes people feel insecure. Thus, I often notice people being defensive around me, as if they assume I will attempt to take things that are theirs just for the sake of my own enjoyment. It's like I've become that girl that I remember idealizing. Once you get yourself outwardly stabilized, it seems to make everyone else the opposite. That's why genuine interactions are so special.
I had a professor who once said this to a class full of students as she was dismissing the class that made me think about this concept in a different way:
"Ask the person you think is attractive out. Just because they're beautiful doesn't mean they're not just as lonely as you."
This is certainly a lesson I am very happy to have learned, especially at a young age. Although it does seem to bring more struggles from certain individuals (mostly weak people in leadership positions), it's also one of the most beneficial factors necessary as far as the professional business world is concerned.
Be strong, be comfortable with what you believe, and don't let other people make you feel insecure, no matter who it is. That makes you weak.
When you look at other's around you, you see them as if they're more comfortable than you, more in control, more confident even. In real life terms, maybe it's that competitor at the job interview. Often times, if that person has the right apparent qualities, we seem to subconsciously assume they are more prepared then we are, or at least equally as prepared. It's like we assume things are easier for them in a sense.
I'll be honest and say that this seems to me to be a bit more of a girl issue, at least outwardly. But I do think it is interesting how much power we automatically give others when we meet them, just by first impressions. Unfortunately, girls are often so guilty of this, of assuming the other girl thinks she's better than you. What seems to happen is whichever person is more insecure will usually try to offensively protect themselves in some way. Maybe it's simply by saying they don't like that person, or perhaps something a bit more sinister. But why let someone you don't even know make you feel that way, when it is so clearly about you and not them?
What I've learned since then:
No one has everything figured out. We're all pretty similar and looking for many of the same basic needs. Just because someone seems to have themselves together doesn't at all mean that they're better than you. Why not just try to be their friend?
Sadly, I tend to get the negative end of this deal more often than I'd like. I seem to have the type of energy that makes people feel insecure. Thus, I often notice people being defensive around me, as if they assume I will attempt to take things that are theirs just for the sake of my own enjoyment. It's like I've become that girl that I remember idealizing. Once you get yourself outwardly stabilized, it seems to make everyone else the opposite. That's why genuine interactions are so special.
I had a professor who once said this to a class full of students as she was dismissing the class that made me think about this concept in a different way:
"Ask the person you think is attractive out. Just because they're beautiful doesn't mean they're not just as lonely as you."
This is certainly a lesson I am very happy to have learned, especially at a young age. Although it does seem to bring more struggles from certain individuals (mostly weak people in leadership positions), it's also one of the most beneficial factors necessary as far as the professional business world is concerned.
Be strong, be comfortable with what you believe, and don't let other people make you feel insecure, no matter who it is. That makes you weak.