I can't tell you how long it took me to realize that I was offending people, in more ways that one. Sometimes I still forget. I remember being 6 years old and saying something political to my parents and their friends only to be met with a response similar to, "You are far too young to have such strong opinions," and "Where did you learn that?" My response was always something along the lines of, "Why aren't you people thinking about these things too!" And then I was in seventh grade, sitting not so quietly in science class. The teacher reads something out of the book to the class. My response goes something like this:
Me: Am I correct in thinking that science is always changing as we learn new things?
Teacher: Yes, of course.
Me: How often do you think science learns new things and then changes theories and such?
Teacher: All the time!
Me: Is there anything you were taught as a child that has changed since then, that you can remember?
Teacher (Now not understanding my curiosity): I'm sure there is...
Me: Do you think it's possible then that you are actually teaching us something that is outdated? Because books are certainly not as current as the internet, but you guys didn't grow up with the internet...(and I'm sure I continued).
Teacher (angry): That's enough.
What she didn't know is that I wasn't at all trying to be disobedient or disruptive, I was merely commenting on the fact that the world is always changing and then wondering what we were doing to keep up. I was concerned that I was possibly being taught something the equivalent of the world being flat, only to discover I was wrong all along. How can one retrain an entire society that believes something like that! I was just trying to be proactive. Unfortunately, lots of teachers do not know what to do with a student who is actually curious, and certainly curious beyond her years.
Only just a few years ago I was at the oral surgeon's office for a consultation to possibly get my wisdom teeth removed (which I didn't do because I'm a huge baby and also because he told me I didn't really need it...we'll see if I run in to any problems in my future), when the receptionist, after looking over my intake forms, asked me in front of everyone who my dad worked for. I remember being instantly offended, though I tried not to show it. I stifled my urge to scoff at her and say, "Don't you know who my dad is!?" and instead I said, "Self employed," with a genuinely nice smile (at least I think it was). That's what happens when you grow up with a strong, well-known father who happens to actually be a good person too. Possibly the best, actually. Anyhow, I realize now how silly that was to feel that way, and how that woman must have been confused as to why I didn't much like her question. (Actually, she probably didn't even notice at all. She was not the most qualified person I've ever met. But let's be real for a second...I am so not the type to accidentally leave something blank. Technically no one likes to have someone insinuate such things. She should have known better!) It's funny, because now I work for a huge company where I am just merely a tiny speck in existence to anyone who actually matters there. Oh how perceptions change!
These are certainly not the only examples that I have hidden away. Unfortunately, it takes a very special type of person to be able to understand and communicate with someone like me and actually have a real conversation. The reality is that I constantly exert so much of my energy on trying to ensure that the person I am interacting with is comfortable. As someone who has studied psychology, as well as someone who spends a lot of her spare time reading about new studies and observing people and their tendencies, I possess a wide range of manipulative social skills that I can channel to draw the reaction out of the other person I am seeking or I think they wish to have (maybe I shouldn't tell you this). Go read How To Win Friends and Influence People, it'll be a great crash course for you. But realize that if you do so you will never be the same.
Professionally, these skills are great to have. I genuinely enjoy making an upset guest happy and it's always a fun challenge to add some variety to my job in the path I choose to take in doing so. What they don't know is that it's really rather easy to trick people in to thinking they're getting exactly what they wanted all along...and that's an important skill to have when pursuing anything professional while interacting with others. But socially, and personally, I find myself just having to politely smile and offer minimum input, depending on the person. Most people like to be the center of attention in some capacity, so anyone that makes them feel that their place in their group or setting is challenged, affecting their 'circle of life' if you will, will cause them to be defensive. And as for all the others that don't wish to be the center of attention, their role in life is to follow the ones that do. They will just feed off of whatever the stronger people are feeling. But I'm aware of this, so all I have to do is be really nice and make certain the person knows I'm not trying to threaten them, right? The problem is that most people are also incredibly insecure, so now matter what you do to try and make them feel comfortable, they seem to subconsciously assume it's just a clever ploy to attack them when they least expect it. Basically, no matter what you do to try to make someone happy and offer a peaceful olive branch of sorts, if you have any quality at all that the other person perceives to be even potentially threatening, your attempts are futile. Another exciting factor of this is the variety of talents and qualities we each uniquely possess, so you never know what exactly it is about your existence that has so deeply offended the other person...without you even saying a word.
Think back to any friend you've ever had or person you've ever know for a second. How many of them do you know that actually surround themselves with people that are trying to make them better? How many people do you know that want to be challenged positively, receive honestly, and truly connect to the people they call friends? In my experience, not too many. What I see are a lot of people that surround themselves with people only there to make them avoid the silences of life. People don't seem to want anyone who actually loves them too often, it makes them feel like they have some sort of responsibility to also be a good person. Or, you have the type that wants you to give them the world but is no where to be seen when it's not convenient for them. These people secretly hate you. Also probably themselves too.
What I've learned:
To be a true leader is to live a lonely life...
"Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds."
But you can't ever conquer the world if you're afraid what people think.
- Albert Einstein